I’ve been thinking about this blog for quite some time now. It’s very rare that a day passes that I don’t think about blog posts. Recently, however, I’ve been staring at a blank screen wondering on what to write about.
Today, I decided to just write.
I have lots of things to say, and I often walk up the road and have half a blog post in my head. It promptly disappears when I come to sit in front of my computer. I guess I’m wondering if anyone wants to know what I have to say. In the three years that teacup and cake has been going, its focus has changed as I have. It’s moaned about the snow, the transport system. It’s looked into foul language and has been travelling. And now, it’s lost to the wilderness and, to some extent, lost it’s identity.
The past couple of years has been hard, with the last few months being the hardest. When do you stop dreaming and realise that the goal/life/the thing you aspire too isn’t for you anymore? I feel like an utter failure for giving up on a career that I have worked so bloody hard for.
I underestimated how hard it has hit me. My career is vitally important. It’s part of my identity. To jack it all in was to jack in who I am. I always thought I knew who I was. I also knew that I didn’t like who I was becoming – someone who was very unconfident in her ability and skills. I didn’t know how to get my self belief back without turning my back on the industry that I was longing to be in.
A friend recently wrote to me (using real pen and paper – you should try it sometime!) saying that I’m a ‘dab hand at going for new stuff’.’ I guess that’s one good thing – I’m not shy at trying different things. I tend to grab opportunities as they present themselves which has led me to London.
It’s been three months, and I think I’ve finally got my head around at what I (think) I want to do. Part of me feels that I should keep cracking that nut, but it’s too exhausting. I’ve found a new goal and a new job in the travel industry. To be quite frank, I have no idea on where my life is going or what I am doing, but that’s all part of the adventure, right?